The Dead Gurus
32 fallen marketing experts whose outdated tactics buried their own success.
Algo Alphonse
"Danced for every algo—finally tripped."
Affiliate Frankie
"Links expired; so did he."
Href-Hype Annie
"Lost in the backlink jungle."
Banner Benny
"Ad-blocked into oblivion."
Bot-Farm Freddy
"Bought fans—none mourned."
Checkout Chelsea
"Upsold one step too far."
Cluster Casey
"Inter-linked into an echo loop."
Course-Launch Lance
"Cart closed forever."
Heatmap Hank
"Stared at warm spots till cold."
Dashboard Debbie
"Died customising a pie chart."
Drop-ship Duke
"Shipping times outlived him."
Exit-Popup Ethan
"Couldn't find the close button."
Funnel Frankie
"Missed the upsell to platinum afterlife."
Gamify Gina
"User levels dropped to zero."
Hashtag Hank
"#Finally #Resting #In #Pieces."
Infographic Ingrid
"Scrolled past and forgotten."
Keyword Kenny
"Ranked for nothing at last."
LamboFlex Larry
"Lease expired, dream repossessed."
Listicle Lucy
"Out-hacked by common sense."
Link-Juice Lou
"PageRank evaporated—so did he."
Lookalike Leo
"Audience resembled intent—didn't equal it."
Mastermind Max
"Echo chamber finally silent."
Meta-Tag Molly
"Believed description still ranks."
NFT-Nurture Ned
"Right-click saved his legacy."
Outreach Oscar
"Forgot the {FirstName} token."
PageSpeed Pete
"Blink of an eye—gone."
Platform Polly
"Syndicated her soul away."
Retarget Rex
"Couldn't outrun himself."
SalesFarce Sid
"Buried in his own object schema."
Schema Sam
"Marked up, marked down, marked dead."
S-Rush Sasha
"Benchmarked to the grave."
Swipe-File Syd
"Ctrl-C / Ctrl-V / RIP."